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Advice for Trash: Live Your Worst Life

Posted on December 24 2020




By Katie Young


My exes betrayal cut me so deep it shook up all my feelings of self-hatred and self-abandonment. But after people who I love and respect so much relayed to me the fucked up things they’d done in their lives, I realized that we’re all human animals. We’re all trying to figure out the best ways to live and feel loved while making it through another day. My exes actions were exactly that for him. And for the rest of us, we can heal by acknowledging who we really are and what we really need. You don’t have to pull levers and push buttons to get what you need, you can just skip the middleman and give it to yourself, you glorious piece of human trash.


Share with me the worst thing you’ve ever done or the worst dilemma you have ever found yourself in. And I have a feeling, it's not as bad as you think. As us non cishet men live in a world built to systematically crush us into the dirt, I believe we spend a lot more time beating ourselves and others up just for wanting things. Things like love, safety, money, and orgasms. We deserve these things. And we deserve the space to just be human. Humans who sometimes fuck it up big time.


Listen, there really are bad people in this world who want to deceive or destroy you, but the deepest cuts come from judging ourselves for just being another dumb animal working their way through this brutal soup of life. Stop using your one long life to torture yourself as a sacrifice to a better you. Stop chasing the fantasy of a better you and accept what you really are: a total fucking jerk (sometimes).


I’m not here to forgive you, only you can do that. Reach out and tell me about the jerkiest thing you’ve ever done (or done lately) and I’ll walk through it with you.


Let’s break through the fog of shame that our culture feeds to us like a poison.

Self-love is a huge reach for most of us, but realize that it isn’t a tragedy to give yourself what you need, you’re just the only one who can do it right.


So while I don’t encourage the breaking of laws or hearts, I do encourage you to forgive yourself, to see and accept yourself for who and what you are. The real worst thing we can do is run. The real worst thing we can do is put on a play about how lovable we are without stopping to see if we even like the part we’re playing. The worst thing we can do is break our own hearts by turning away from the ugliest parts of us.

Want to be part of a recurring column? Need advice about your or someone else's trash behaviour? Email us at You will be kept anonymous unless you state otherwise.




  • Anonymous: January 06, 2021

    I’ve worked in restaurants for nearly a decade, so I thrive in cesspools. I am also a homosexual man. Several years ago at one of my first restaurant jobs, we got this new French guy who came on as a busser. He was very handsome and charming, and many of us were infatuated with him. He led many of us on, including me. Fast-forward to thanksgiving and me partying with him and his family, doing lots of drugs and drinking lots of wine. Him and I wound up going to bed together, but not doing anything salacious; we were really drunk and all we did was make out. The next morning, I told whom I thought was a really trustworthy friend that I worked with at the restaurant, a cocktail waitress, about what happened. Little did I know that the French guy was also fucking around with one of the other cocktail waitresses while also leading me on for several months. My friend wound up telling her about it, and of course it blew up completely. Fast-forward again to Christmas, and I’m house sitting for one of my professors. I decide to have a small Christmas hot tub party at the house and invite some coworkers over, including the line cook who had an on/off relationship with the same cocktail waitress I told the secret too. Him and I got so drunk I wound up sucking his dick back at his baby momma’s place right around the corner. Merry Christmas to me. Well, it’s now five years later, and the two of them have three kids together. I’ve never told her what happened, and neither has he, and nearly everyone else we worked with knows. Her and I are tunnel buddies with her baby daddy, and it’s a dirty little secret that I feel absolutely no shame over. She shouldn’t have ratted me out. She still thinks we’re friends to this day, too.

  • Rosie: December 25, 2020

    I’m very thankful and fortunate that I’ve never done anything massively f***ed up as such, never with malice or hate, but I have let my past ruin the most beautiful heathy relationship I’d ever had. Pushed the man completely opened himself to me, who loved me, cared for me and wanted to grow old with me away, I was too poorly, in the depth of a mental health crisis and hospital admission that’d been brewing for 16 years. The worst thing I ever did was be stubborn and not accept the help and love I was given, I didn’t realise it then but I could have done more. It’s been almost 3 years since he left, I still cry over all that’s lost, I will always want the best for him despite that not being us waking this world alongside each other, I would still do anything to have that man back in my world, but he will forever be in my heart, I’ll forever love him, and maybe that’s punishment enough.

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