Shit Men Say Online: "Women's Body Count"

Today, we are looking at a post from this unrefined specimen of a man.

Let's look at the "logic" on display:

Ah, yes. The classic "women are consumer experiences" analogy. Let's look at the actual psychology behind why men post things like this, and how to shut it down.

Men Who Care About "Body Count" Are Bad At Sex

We already knew this, but here's the data.

When men hyper fixate on a woman's "body count" using nonsensical restaurant metaphors like this one, they attempt to frame their preferences as evolved logic or high standards. In reality, relationship science and stats point to something much more fragile:

The Fear of Social Comparison

According to Social Comparison Theory, individuals evaluate their own worth and performance by comparing themselves to others (Festinger, 1954). In the dating world, a man who obsessively worries about a partner's past isn't New line necessarily judging her character, he is terrified of how he will "measure up" to previous lovers. A partner with zero sexual history has no baseline for comparison, which shields a fragile ego from potential failure.

Performance Anxiety Masquerading as Preference

According to social psychologist Dr. Justin Lehmiller, stats show that both men and women usually prefer partners with a moderate sexual history (Stewart-Williams et al., 2017). However, the online obsession with policing women's pasts comes down to male performance anxiety. If a guy needs you to pretend no other men exist just so he can feel secure, he doesn’t want real intimacy, he's just looking for zero competition.

The Attachment Insecurity

Data shows that secure people care about emotional chemistry and the bond they have right now (Métellus, 2024). Those who obsess over a partner's history are usually just projecting their own attachment insecurities, using a number as an excuse to avoid real emotional vulnerability and relationship uncertainty (Frampton & Fox, 2018).

Retroactive Jealousy

This is a clinical pattern where a person experiences intrusive, obsessive anxiety about a partner's sexual or romantic history (Frampton & Fox, 2018). It functions kind of like obsessive compulsive tendencies. Basically the man experiences an intrusive thought about a woman's past sexual experiences, and his compulsion is to mentally replay, investigate, or obsessively question that history in an attempt to find relief. 

The link between a "body count" obsession and being bad in bed is actually just basic biology. Clinical data shows that sexual performance anxiety affects up to 25% of men, making it the main psychological cause of bedroom issues like premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction (Pyke, 2020). When a guy is hyper-focused on how he compares to your past, his brain goes into fight-or-flight mode. This releases stress hormones like cortisol that physically block arousal (Healthy Male, 2024). Ultimately, if a guy is too busy critiquing his own performance because he is terrified of comparison (dude is thinking about another man's cock while he's fucking a woman, which is fine if he's into men.), he literally panics himself out of being present. His obsession with your history actively ruins his ability to be good in bed.

How To Shut A Misogynist Down

When men talk shit about women's body count don't waste your energy trying to prove women's worth. Misogynists don't care. Hit them right where it hurts; their fragile egos.

When crafting an online response to these types of men it is important to use simple, yet effective language. While name calling is fun and easy, you don't want to be penalised by the social media overlords for bullying or harassment. 

Feigning Concern

Women have been socialised since the beginning of time to be caring and nurturing. As a woman you can use this to your advantage. We have sifted through the data for you, a simple:

 "Did you know that men who care about women's "body count" are likely to experience erectile dysfunction and or premature ejaculation? There's a bunch of research on this, you should look it up, and maybe seek some medical attention". 

or if you want to be especially condescending and cosplay a man  

"According to social psychologist Dr. Justin Lehmiller it seems you are projecting your sexual performance anxiety onto women who are sexually experienced. Have you tried therapy for your feelings of inadequacy."   

If you want, you can provide a link or the name of the research papers (all references are listed below), but its not necessary, the onus is on men if they want to be educated. 

The Fear of Being Perceived as Gay

While it is an easy jab to call a woman hating man gay, it can also be seen as quite homophobic. We don’t want to be using queer identities as an punch line. Instead, point out how weirdly obsessed they are with other men's dicks. Psychologically, a man who fixates on your "body count" is mentally bringing every guy you've ever been with into the bedroom. Asking him why he spends so much time obsessing about other men’s penises completely flips the script, shifting the spotlight away from the woman's behaviour and directly onto their own. 

Over to You...

We could hand these guys a peer reviewed dissertation on their own insecurities and they’d still blame feminism. If we can't change their minds, we can at least disrupt their peace. 

So how do you handle these body count losers when the algorithm insults you with their presence? Drop your favourite ways to piss off men online in the comments. Let us build the ultimate cheat sheet.

If you want the next edition of Shit Men Say Online dropped directly into your inbox instead of hunting for it on your timeline, make sure you sign up for the newsletter.

P.S. If internet warfare is not enough and you want to piss men off in real life, we have plenty of audacious feminist and political t shirts over in The Shop. Just saying.

References

Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117–140. https://doi.org/10.1177/001872675400700202

Frampton, J. R., & Fox, J. (2018). Social media's role in romantic partners' retroactive jealousy: Social comparison, uncertainty, and information seeking. Primary Research in Cyberpsychology and Social Networking.

Healthy Male. (2024). How do stress and anxiety affect sexual performance and erectile dysfunction? Andrology Australia. https://healthymale.org.au/health-article/how-do-stress-and-anxiety-affect-sexual-performance-and-erectile-dysfunction

Métellus, S. (2024). Attachment anxiety and relationship satisfaction in the digital era: The contribution of social media jealousy and electronic partner surveillance. Université de Montréal.

Pyke, R. E. (2020). Sexual performance anxiety. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 17(2), 183–190. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsxm.2019.11.014

Stewart-Williams, S., Butler, C. A., & Thomas, A. G. (2017). Sexual history and present attractiveness: People want a mate with a bit of a past, but not too much. The Journal of Sex Research, 54(9), 1097–1105. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2016.1232690